The Ghost of Christmas Presents: A Tail of Deception

Every year, my family follows a strict "No Peeking" policy. 

We hide the gifts, we use heavy-duty wrapping paper, and we certainly don’t open anything until Christmas morning. 

However, three years ago, our tabby cat, Oliver, decided he was the new Head of Quality Control.

It was December 23rd. I had spent four hours perfectly wrapping a high-end, organic smoked salmon gift basket for my aunt. 

I tucked it deep under the tree, surrounded by a fortress of heavy boxes.

At 3:00 AM, I heard a sound like a paper shredder losing a fight with a lawnmower. 

I stumbled into the living room, expecting a burglar. Instead, I found Oliver sitting in a sea of green-and-gold confetti.

Oliver hadn't just "opened" the gift. He had performed a surgical extraction.

The Wrapping: Completely pulverized.

The Box: Systematically chewed through at the corners.

The Salmon: Gone. Well, the vacuum-sealed packaging was still there, but it looked like it had been through a woodchipper.

The funniest part wasn't the theft; it was the cover-up. When I turned on the light, Oliver didn't run. He didn't even look guilty. 

He simply walked over to a nearby decorative reindeer, knocked it over, and then looked at me as if to say, "I’m glad you’re here. This reindeer has been causing trouble all night."

He then proceeded to spend the rest of the night "guarding" the shredded remains of the salmon, occasionally letting out a satisfied, fishy-smelling burp.

If you have a cat, you don't own Christmas decorations or gifts—you are merely "renting" the space from a small, furry landlord who has very specific tastes in hors d'oeuvres.

Pro Tip for Blog Readers: If you're gifting anything edible this year, put it in a Tupperware container, then a safe, then a locked room. Even then? The cat will find a way.

The Day I Thought I Was a Hero (But Was Actually Just Creepy)

We’ve all had those moments where we think we’ve spotted a friend in public and decide to surprise them. 

Usually, it ends in a quick "Oh, sorry!" This was not one of those times.

I was at a crowded airport, exhausted after a long flight. 

Through the sea of travelers, I saw him: my old college roommate, Dave. 

He had the same messy hair, the same vintage denim jacket, and the same distinctive "clumsy" walk.

Dave was a notorious prankster, so I decided it was time for some payback.

I didn't just walk up to him. I committed. 

I spent five minutes stealthily navigating through the terminal, hiding behind pillars and luggage carts like a low-budget James Bond. 

I finally got directly behind him as he reached the baggage claim.

I leaned in close, put my arm around his shoulder, and whispered loudly in his ear: "I’ve been tracking you for three states, Dave. Give me the briefcase and nobody gets hurt."

The man froze. He didn't laugh. He slowly turned his head, and I realized two things instantly:

 

1) This was not Dave.

 

2) This man was at least 20 years older than Dave and looked significantly more terrified.

He stared at me, trembling, and handed me a small bag of duty-free chocolates. "I don't have a briefcase," he whispered. "Please just take the Lindt truffles and leave me alone."

I had to spend the next three minutes explaining to a very confused stranger that I wasn't an international hitman, just an idiot who missed his friend. 

I ended up buying him a coffee as an apology, while my actual friend Dave was likely safe at home, hundreds of miles away, not being harassed by a sweaty man at an airport.

The Night I Battled a Smart Toaster (and Lost)

I recently decided to "upgrade" my life by purchasing a high-end, touch-screen smart toaster. 

It promised "perfectly artisanal results," but I quickly realized I wasn’t smart enough to own it.

Last Tuesday, at 6:00 AM, I was stumbling around the kitchen in a pre-caffeine fog. 

I popped in a bagel and poked at the glowing screen. 

Apparently, I didn't select "Bagel"—I accidentally initiated some sort of high-intensity cleaning cycle or "factory reset" mode.

The toaster didn't start browning. Instead, it:

 

Locked the bagel inside like a high-security vault.

Started emitting a low, rhythmic humming sound, similar to a spaceship powering up.

Displayed a countdown timer that said: "Optimizing... 12:00 minutes remaining."

I stood there, staring at my trapped breakfast. I tried unplugging it. 

When I plugged it back in, the screen flickered to life and smugly resumed the countdown: "Resuming Optimization... 11:58." 

It had a memory. It was committed to the bit.

I ended up sitting on the kitchen floor, eating a handful of dry cereal, watching a $200 appliance "optimize" my bagel into a charcoal puck. 

When the timer finally hit zero, the toaster chimed a cheerful, melodic tune and ejected the bagel with such force that it hit the ceiling.

Technology is great, but sometimes a metal box with a spring and a lever is all the "innovation" a person needs before their first cup of coffee.

My first blog

Hey guys, how are you guys doing today? 

Since it's my first blog, let me start off with a random incident. 

This incident happened to me when I was in college. 

When I was in my final year of college, our college was conducting an event in our college. 

So, one of the girls groups in our class was supposed to perform a dance performance for the event and one of the girls in that group had got her period on the day of the performance. 

So, she went to the chemist store and brought an adult diaper and stuck her pad inside the adult diaper and wore it and performed the dance. 

When the other girls of our class heard about this, they were so grossed out. 

What is weirdest thing that you've heard and it made you feel so weird? 

Do let me know about that in the comments.

Follow me on my instagram @renata_fenna and RenataFenna99 on Wattpad.